The holidays were the worst through what felt like countless years of infertility. My go-to top self-preservation technique was my ability to smoothly retreat from family and friends, especially ones with young kids. I deleted the Facebook app off of my phone way too many times to count and rolled my eyes at so many of the November “thankful” posts.
Greetings friends! It’s been a few weeks. Life gets busy, and it’s hard to get to the keyboard. But, I promise you haven’t been far from my mind. This month is the two-year anniversary since my last IVF cycle. As memories have popped up on my Facebook, so have a whirlwind of emotions. There was one post in particular that hit home the hardest, and I wanted to share my experience with you.
Halloween. It’s one of my favorite holidays. With it, ushers in cooler weather (okay if you don’t live in Texas), beautiful fall colors (again- if you don’t live in Texas), delicious food, wonderful scents and a whimsical sort of excitement with the costumes and parties. Halloween gives everyone a reason to dress up and have fun.
The Infertility time warp continuum … where every month feels like two, yet somehow all of a sudden the years go by and you still aren’t pregnant. Can I get an amen? I am a firm believer that somehow, some way, there’s an altered time/space relationship for women struggling with infertility. I’m kidding. Mostly.
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to travel to Montauk, NY. While there, I was able to tour the Montauk Lighthouse. It was breathtaking in its perch on a cliff high above the shoreline. Its history runs deep and has touched the lives of countless men and women who’ve traveled the waters of the Atlantic Ocean.
Over the years, I’ve had a lot of people ask me what it’s like to go through infertility. I’ve gotten a lot of “Oh wow, that must have been so hard” or “I am so sorry you had to go through that”. Even after five years, it’s still sometimes hard to put into words what it felt like. What it still feels like.