{January 10, 2017}

2016 has come to an end and with it the ushering in of a new year.  For some, a new year comes with hope and excitement for the future.  But for others (probably more like 1 in 8 if we’re going to be exact), the early and cold days of a New Year feel just like that.  Cold.

I’ll never forget January of 2012.  The start of that year marked some of the darkest days of our infertility journey.  Many early nights of that unusually cold January in Oxford, Mississippi were spent in bed crying myself to sleep wondering why month after month, year after year my body couldn’t get pregnant. I wondered why the 6 months on Clomid didn’t work (like everyone said they would).  I wondered why I had to be the only one out of my sister/sisters-in-law to not be pregnant.  I wondered when and if it would ever be “my turn”.  2012 certainly didn’t start off as “my year”.  But, it’s funny.  It sure ended that way. When I look back, I would relive those terrible, painful early days of 2012 to feel those sweet later months again and again.

It was during my first appointment with Dr. Goldstein that he said, “Whether you’re pregnant 6 weeks from now or 6 months from now, you deserve to get your life back.”  That was so powerful.  I’d spent the last 2 years of my life completely engulfed in the journey of trying to conceive (TTC).  I’d let the results of countless pregnancy tests and unwanted periods rule my life (and understandably so).   During those years, I’d forgotten many of the things that brought me happiness and placed limits on the joy I would let myself feel because the weight of my empty arms.  I let the years of failure dictate the amount of hope I put into the future.

It took losing myself for years to really find myself. And, I found myself in 2012.  I didn’t get pregnant in January. I didn’t get pregnant in February. In fact, it would take months of failed fertility treatment and a successful IVF cycle with Fertility Specialists of Texas later that year before my struggle with infertility would find a reprieve. But, in those months that my arms still felt empty, my heart became full. And, it was through the help of others who validated my pain and enabled me to find the joy I had lost.

So, wherever you’re at in this journey… let 2017 be YOUR year.  Don’t let the pain of 2016 (and maybe longer than that) stop you from the joy and hope that this New Year really can bring.  No matter how long you’ve experienced heartache and “failure,” it doesn’t and won’t be that way forever.  So, maybe 2017 will be your year to start trying.  Maybe it’ll be your year to start trying again.  Maybe it’ll be your year to make the call for help.  Maybe it’ll be your year to open up to someone about your struggle.  Maybe it’ll be your year to think of other options.  Maybe it’ll be your year to find all the joy out there that doesn’t hinge on pregnancy.  Maybe it’ll be your year to be someone else’s hope — to be their source of light.  Whatever the good, the joy, the miracle of 2017 ends up being, it’s yours because you deserve it.  It may be hard-fought, but it’s yours to have.  We’re in this together.

#Iam1in8
#FSTivfmom
#FertilitySpecialistsofTexas